


The Point Of Starting Over

by pencilguin



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, New Years, or rather angst and fluff I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 03:58:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17257148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: [Spoilers for season 1]Hugh is still dead, and nothing out here or anywhere else in the universe can change that fact. Hugh is dead and he has left Paul all alone.





	The Point Of Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd; I apologize for any mistakes that might still be in there.

**_2257_ **

Paul walks down the streets, slowly. People are all around him, the whole city buzzing with life, with excitement, with anticipation. Exchanging greetings and wishes and hopes and dreams.

None of it matters, not to him. None of them feel real.

The icy winter air cuts his skin, reddens his pale cheeks and nose. But the cold doesn’t feel real, either.

_You should go outside_ , his friends had said, _don’t lock yourself inside all the time._ They had looked sad and worried and disappointed when he turned down their invitation to join them, but they had been understanding. _It’s okay_ , he recalls their voices saying, _we know that it’s not easy for you. But maybe_ , they had suggested, _maybe getting some fresh air, maybe the feeling of being among people, will help you feel better._

So he had gone.

It doesn’t help.

Hugh is still dead, and nothing out here or anywhere else in the universe can change that fact. Hugh is dead and he has left Paul all alone.

He stops, closes his eyes. That one evening on one of the observation decks comes back to him. Them wrapped around each other and gazing outside at the stars and galaxies and comets that looked so tiny and so close at the time. Talking about their plans for the future. All the things they want to do together when they get home. The way New Year’s fireworks on earth are unlike anywhere else, and how they realized it was both of their favorite out of all the holidays.

“I want to kiss you when the clock strikes midnight,” Hugh had said, his lips so close they were almost touching Paul’s ear, and it had set off a million fireworks inside Paul’s stomach. “I want kissing you to be the first thing I start the new year with.”

Paul had turned his head and kissed him, and muttered against his cheek, “I want to see the sparks of fireworks reflecting in your eyes. I want you to be the first person I see at the beginning of the new year.”

Now his entire body is numb, inside and out. Worn out from too much pain. He’s starting to forget what Hugh felt like.

He looks around him, searching for meaning. What’s the point of a new year if it doesn’t have Hugh in it? What is the point of starting over, again and again, in a world as empty as this?

Paul wishes for time to stop.

It doesn’t.

Around him, a countdown starts. He closes his eyes and turns his face towards the sky.

10

Someone humming Kasseelian opera.

9

A contact number freshly saved into his PADD.

8

A first kiss.

7

“I love you, idiot.”

6

The door to his new quarters opening to reveal Hugh.

5

Waking up to the brightest smile in the known universe.

4

Kissing under the glowing branches of the mushrooms.

3

“You were in danger.”

2

A promise of opera.

1

“Follow the music, Paul.”

 

**_2258_ **

Wet droplets find their way down his cheeks.

 

**_2259_ **

Soft lips embrace his. Warm arms wrap around his shoulders. The deafening crackles of the fireworks above are drowned out by the fireworks of Paul’s own heartbeat. The droplets are rain that decided to ring in the new year with them.

Hugh is here, and the first thing Paul feels in the new year is his lips, and the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is his smile, illuminated by a million colorful sparks.

“Happy New Year, darling” Hugh whispers.

All the pain of the past has washed away. Here is all the meaning Paul needs.

He smiles.

“Happy New Year, love.”


End file.
